The Recovered Life Show

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Show Transcript

Damon Frank (00:03):

Hey, it is Damon Frank, and I'm joining you here on recovered life. I have a very special guests today, our very own George Snyder life and recovery specialist. How you doing today, George?

George Snyder (00:18):

Good to see you. Damon all is well,

Damon Frank (00:21):

It has been a crazy week, hasn't it? Yeah. In the middle of a pandemic. And, uh, I, you know, the reason why that I had you on today is I wanted to discuss our old school men's mastermind topic that we had on Monday and kind of what happened because it was one of those gatherings shorts where all week I was thinking about what people contributed, what I got out of it, how am I going to apply it? And I really, and I gotta be honest going in that, the topic I'm going to give Deborah the topic, what was the topic? It was desire. I really, I wasn't expecting the amount of impact that, that one had.

George Snyder (01:05):

I agree. I agree. I mean, you, you think about it, it seemed like a natural choice. We say, you know, TIS the season, it's all about giving and getting and shopping and one click. And so it felt right. But also when, when you talk about recovered life, I mean, you're talking about what else is that for both an obstacle and an enabling, uh, energy, but desire, what do you want? You know, and there's so much about what do I want for Christmas, all I want for Christmas. Right? So that, but the diversity of how people responded to it. I think that was what I found the most impressive. And how different ways of looking at what conceivably is the same issue. And yet it's not, you know, it's a personal thing. Yeah,

Damon Frank (01:47):

Yeah, yeah. And I like it, you know, just a little background for the people who are new to recovered life. Uh, the old school men's mastermind group has been going on. It's what I want to say four or five months now. Yeah. It's been going on for some time. I think since March.

George Snyder (02:04):

Yeah. The beginning of the pandemic. It was really when it started to say, want to get together, we wanted to get together and be a part of something.

Damon Frank (02:12):

Yeah. And George is the host of the old school men's mastermind group. And I, I wrote down some, uh, on my phone here, some notes that I wanted to ask you and you know, why tackle the issue and topic of desire? Why tackle that?

George Snyder (02:33):

Like we said earlier, it's, it's about trying to look at if you're going to have a fully, a full life and, and in recovery, a rewarding life or recovered life or real life. Right. RL. Um, it's about finding out what's in the way. A lot of it is about understanding the language of what we're talking about. When we talk about desire, what do you mean when you talk about desire? What do you mean when you say you, right. And how that can get in the way or propel you into productive action, into getting a more out of the life you're having. Right. A lot of this stuff we carry around with us or these old ideas, these conception about what it means. Um, you know, that recovery, somehow a lot of people think recovery is about not being able to have what you want. I have to give something up and it's really this it's it's, they're not mutually exclusive and it's not.

George Snyder (03:31):

I think what we find in recovery is, and the recovered life is that it's, it's not about either or it's about both, you know, it's about looking at your life and looking at the old ideas, identifying the old ideas and then implementing new ones. So the, the goal is about changing the, if you will changing the narrative and as people talked about what they, they saw, you know, you think a bunch of guys getting together, talking about desire, it's going to be like a locker room. And it was so far from that. And that too is about facilitating a space where you get to be with people you get to under, to, to feel like you can talk to people in a way that, um, other men in a way that, um, helps you get to what, what you mean when you say, I don't know what I want, or I'm in that, uh, wanting is a prayer instantly answered. You were instantly in that place of want and it's painful design.

Damon Frank (04:33):

Well, you know, George, th the thing that I got out of this, one of the things that I got out is that very early on, I noticed how I was even doing black and white thinking this desire, good, this desire, bad. How do you determine what is it? It may, maybe it's not even a determining good or bad. Maybe it's determining what works for you and what doesn't work for you with desire and recovery.

George Snyder (04:55):

Right? I think so much of what we're doing right now and what you have helped me so much and seeing is this is not about either, or this is not about this or that. It's about the human experience, desire as part of the human experience. You know, it's both as an obstacle, if it's going to get in the way and make you unhappy. But it's also what a little bit of pain is going to go do further. And we had people talking about, Hey, some of the older members, a lot of stuff, it's in the rear view mirror, but what do I want today? What are my dreams and ambitions today? Very different thing. But, you know, we get trapped in this thinking that by, as you said, Oh, that's bad. I can't think that I shouldn't do that. That is, those are the sorts of ways in which you got to get past that if you're going to really have a, what you say is you want,

Damon Frank (05:46):

You know, George w were you surprised by some of the responses in the group? I was honestly, and I think that's what, that's what kind of I carried with throughout the week. I had some preconceived notions. I think of what people would think about design. And it was not that at all. No. Were you surprised, were you,

George Snyder (06:09):

Yeah, absolutely. And I think this is, you know, when you get away from a model of teaching or a model of learning where the teacher has the answer, and everybody's going to guess it, you know, and the most basic to a place where there isn't any right answer gang, it's not about getting to the right answer. What's an interesting answer. What's, what's, uh, what's a beautiful answer. And so when you make that space where it's possible, if people feel comfortable about talking about what it is, then you get people, you, you, you sh, uh, we talk about the, the millionaires sat around the table and said, now write down what it is. You want it couldn't. Yeah, no, it's a genius story. Couldn't because so much of what we think is what we want is in fact, a pursuit of not even love APQ, I, I, I'm a firm believer in, you know, we're here to love and be loved, but I'd often a lot of the pursuit in our world today is about envy. We're pursuing envy. I have all this stuff that will impress people. I don't even like, um, and make them think something about me that isn't even true, just because they'll then love me. It's not love. It's kind of hate. Yeah. Yeah.

Damon Frank (07:24):

You know, I think, yeah. I think the breakthrough to interject here, I think that the breakthrough that was really interesting was, is so many people. And I thought it was just me. And I think everybody said, well, I thought it was just me that felt like, that felt that they should be pursuing certain things, or they had envy on certain things and desire about certain things that they really never, ever wanted. It wasn't, you know, to quote an old idea, basically in their head about what they thought perfection was, but it's not really making them happen.

George Snyder (07:58):

So like, um, I want, I think I'm supposed to, I'm supposed to want this. I don't really want it don't really like it. But on the other hand that sometimes we have a, I'm going to say I don't, because I'm afraid. I can't. And again, it's, it's teasing apart. It's this big ball of stuff that we come in with all these old ideas wrapped together and starting to take them apart. But it's in telling the story to me, telling your narrative and realizing maybe that's not even a true story about me anymore in recovery. I had a lot of ideas about who I thought I was. And I walk in to this world and talking to you talking, and then this group finding out that's not who I am. That's not who I it's not even who I thought he was or he was, or he was. And in that exchange, in that, talking to each other, you get to realize, Oh, you know what? I thought, I wasn't supposed to say this. And maybe there are other gatherings, other venues where no, it's not appropriate. Right. Maybe it's not a place where I would safe enough for me to share and fill in the blank in terms of where, where I can do this, gathering this old school gathering was a place where people could then say the unexpected. Right.

Damon Frank (09:11):

And I think this leads me to another question that I had for you. What do you think it is? Because week after week after week, we've been having these powerful experiences. What do you think it is about the old school men's mastermind? That's drawing this out, that this transformation,

George Snyder (09:27):

I think we come from a common background or a common understanding of certain. There's a great diversity in our, in our group. Believe me and I you've seen it too. We know that, um, and some of it's unexpected, some of it is just, uh, from different life experiences. Some of us from exactly the same graduating class in high school, but our lives took radically different directions. You know, some of us in the, in the same, uh, community, but in different directions. But what brings us together is a kind of certain, a touchstone, if you will, of a certain understanding of what it means to talk about spirituality, talk about a higher power, something bigger than me that's operating. And that, that feeling comfortable feeling that I won't make the room tip with all the eye rolling. If I talk about it, a spiritual path, um, is a, is a really, to me, a really helpful base from which we could,

Damon Frank (10:26):

And we're able to talk about outside issues. And I think, you know, for me, it's the collective of having 15, 20 guys, the minds of 15 to 20 guys. And they're actually tell you what they really think about how you can get to where you want to go or find out where you want to go, which is in some cases, you know, what, what was interesting is that the people that I thought had at the most together sometimes, right, that man, they must really know where they want to go. Sometimes there are the people who are the most, like, I have no idea where I want to go. Now. I knew where I wanted to go 15, 20 years ago when I started this, but I don't know where I want to go now. And I think, you know, George, that is the powerful thing that we're getting, uh, from, from the old school men's mastermind groups. So we've got one left, right? We've got one more left, one more, uh, with this group. And, uh, I, I'm super excited about it. It's going to be next week. And I guess we will tell people how they can find out more in the next coming weeks about the next cycle that we've got coming up. The next mastermind that we've got coming up for old school

George Snyder (11:34):

And the new year. Yup.

Damon Frank (11:36):

Yeah. Well, George have a really great day and a great weekend. And, uh, I'm looking forward to talking with you next week.

George Snyder (11:42):

Thank you so much. Talk to you looking forward to it, right? Bye.

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