The Recovered Life Show

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Announcer
I held the weight of the world in my hands, but I let it go.
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Announcer
Now I understand.
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Intro
You're listening to the Recovered Life Show, the show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives.
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Intro
And here is your host, Damon Frank.
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Damon Frank
And welcome back to the recovered life show.
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Damon Frank
We've got a really interesting topic for you.
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Damon Frank
You know, a lot of the times we feel in addiction recovery that we are gonna be able to figure things out and that if we have the knowledge about what alcoholism is, what addiction is, that somehow that's gonna save us or it's gonna make us bulletproof so that we're not gonna suffer with this.
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Damon Frank
And it can't be further from the truth.
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Damon Frank
I mean, knowledge is great, but sometimes it does not help when we talk about alcoholism.
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Damon Frank
So I'm so thrilled, to bring on our guest today, coach Joe, who's a valued member of our TikTok community, also has seventeen years of continuous sobriety.
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Damon Frank
Welcome to the show, coach Joe.
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Coach Joe
Thank you.
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Coach Joe
Thank you.
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Damon Frank
So great for I'm so great that you're here.
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Damon Frank
We've been wanting to do this for a while.
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Damon Frank
And, you know, you know, we hear so many people, Joe, talk about they'll come up in our TikTok lives.
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Damon Frank
They'll, you know, they will, you know, they'll write on recovered life TV that how they come from addiction.
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Damon Frank
They come maybe a parent or relatives or friends or everyone around them struggled with this.
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Damon Frank
And they said to themselves one time, they're like, man, that's not gonna I'm not gonna do that.
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Damon Frank
Right?
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Damon Frank
And then here they are.
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Damon Frank
Definitely.
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Damon Frank
And here they are.
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Damon Frank
And it's so baffling.
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Damon Frank
So you're here to talk about this story.
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Damon Frank
Can you tell us a little bit about Joe, a little bit about yourself and, you know, how you grew up and, you know, the early part of this where you realize, like, man, I don't think, like I I I don't wanna drink.
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Damon Frank
I don't wanna, you know, I don't wanna be this person.
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Coach Joe
Right.
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Coach Joe
And then and what happened?
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Coach Joe
Well, I was, I was the baby of the family.
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Coach Joe
I was the youngest of five, a very Catholic family.
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Coach Joe
My parents were both very involved in the church.
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Coach Joe
I was involved in the church.
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Coach Joe
I went to Catholic school.
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Coach Joe
I was an older boy.
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Coach Joe
I was in youth group.
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Coach Joe
Even thought about being a priest at one point.
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Coach Joe
However, I as I got older, I realized that I like girls and, wanted a family of my own.
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Coach Joe
So, that kinda went on the wayside.
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Coach Joe
But my real passion growing up was hockey.
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Coach Joe
Started playing when I was five years old, played it all my life.
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Coach Joe
Nineteen eighty came around, the the Miracle on Ice, and that was I wanted to play in the Olympics.
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Coach Joe
I wanted to a lot of those guys were, played at Boston College, Boston University.
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Coach Joe
So, you know, that was my dream was playing b one college hockey.
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Coach Joe
And, so that that was the plan.
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Coach Joe
However, well, getting into the the alcohol part of it, I got my first job when I was in seventh grade, working for a neighbor who he did plants, garden plants and flowers for sold them to a lot of the neighbors.
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Coach Joe
And, you know, along with teaching me about gardening, he taught me a lot about the history of where I grew up, but, he was in recovery.
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Coach Joe
He was a recovering alcoholic, and after our shifts, we would always sit down and talk, and he would tell me about his struggles.
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Coach Joe
And I remember one time actually finding him in a, in a relapse, and it was scary.
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Coach Joe
It was, I you know, seventh grade was set 12, 13 years old and, didn't know what to do.
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Coach Joe
And remember talking to my mom about it, and she explained a little bit of, you know, how powerful that that alcohol is.
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Coach Joe
And
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Damon Frank
I mean, you had had you ever had you been around people that had drank before before or was this the first time you saw it?
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Coach Joe
Family was my family was all about like, we wouldn't go to a restaurant if it didn't serve alcohol.
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Coach Joe
Every every family function, there was alcohol.
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Damon Frank
But maybe you hadn't seen it really, like, up close like that where you're seeing somebody in a relapse.
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Damon Frank
I mean, what was your thought about this?
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Damon Frank
Did you just go like, that's not gonna ever be me.
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Damon Frank
Like, that must
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Coach Joe
be better.
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Coach Joe
I'm like, okay.
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Coach Joe
The I'm not gonna I'm not gonna mess with that stuff.
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Coach Joe
Not if it you know?
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Coach Joe
You know, he did I don't wanna get into to all of what happened, but I did not wanna be that person.
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Coach Joe
But then, like I said, my family, it was alcohol was everything.
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Coach Joe
Every family function, there was alcohol.
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Coach Joe
The only time there was less alcohol was during lent where my dad would give up drinking beer.
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Coach Joe
But Easter Sunday, it was it was nasty.
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Coach Joe
One of one of the kids had to drive home from grandma's house.
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Coach Joe
And, but then my junior year in high school, my mom actually, my mom joined AA, just celebrated forty one years, so I'm kinda given a high age there.
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Coach Joe
Wow.
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Damon Frank
Forty one years continues.
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Damon Frank
That go down, Joe.
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Damon Frank
I got I got to interrupt her because you see this go down.
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Damon Frank
All of a sudden, your mom is now in a and at that time that that happened, that was a big deal.
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Damon Frank
Like, you didn't hear about that a lot, especially with women.
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Damon Frank
Like
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Coach Joe
Right.
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Damon Frank
Women did not And she was that as much at that time.
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Coach Joe
And she was really you know, anonymous was was all her you know, she was all about anonymous, and I probably shouldn't even be talking about it.
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Coach Joe
But, so but I still I didn't I I know I didn't wanna be that.
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Coach Joe
I I wasn't gonna be a smoker.
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Coach Joe
I wasn't gonna be a drinker.
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Coach Joe
And, I just saw too much of it.
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Coach Joe
So And,
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Damon Frank
you know, you're you know, it's interesting about you because one of the things I've learned is that I know that you love hockey.
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Damon Frank
You're a big hockey perch.
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Damon Frank
Right?
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Damon Frank
And I know you told your story to me.
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Damon Frank
And I was like, you know what?
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Damon Frank
This is it about you know?
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Damon Frank
Okay.
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Damon Frank
You see you see something you love.
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Damon Frank
You're involved in hockey, and and I know in high school, you were really involved in it.
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Damon Frank
Right?
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Damon Frank
You're really involved in it.
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Damon Frank
You really have goals, and you even see people around you that have alcohol has affected their life.
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Damon Frank
And now, you know, you decide I'm gonna pursue hockey, but at the same time, you say I'm gonna also pursue drinking.
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Coach Joe
Right.
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Coach Joe
Well, I I get into high school.
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Coach Joe
You know, I like I said, I went to Catholic school, so I was I was a popular kid in in grade school, middle school.
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Coach Joe
Excuse me.
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Coach Joe
But, going into ninth grade, it was it was a shock.
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Coach Joe
It was, I was a little kid.
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Coach Joe
I was five foot tall, eighty five pounds, picked on all the time, and all of a sudden I started realizing that, I start drinking, and I'm not that little kid anymore.
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Coach Joe
And kids started seeing me differently, when I would start drinking.
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Coach Joe
I was able to basically put a mask on and mask who I was and still really into hockey.
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Coach Joe
Actually, a lot of my drinking started in hockey with after games, after practices, taking showers, hanging out in the locker room.
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Coach Joe
There was always always beer.
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Coach Joe
My coaches
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Damon Frank
for you.
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Damon Frank
You know?
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Damon Frank
Right?
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Coach Joe
And and and Oh, yeah.
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Damon Frank
At some point at that time of of you drink, it's working for you.
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Coach Joe
Yeah.
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Coach Joe
I wasn't I wasn't that little kid anymore.
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Coach Joe
Kids were actually you know, because I was able to I was actually able to handle my liquor.
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Coach Joe
You know?
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Coach Joe
I remember going to high school dances, being drunk up my you know, behind, and and being able to control myself and seeing these other kids.
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Coach Joe
And I knew I drank more than they did, and they're getting sick, getting in trouble.
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Coach Joe
And, but it was just I was I was cool because I was able to drink.
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Damon Frank
So when when did you I mean, with this hockey obsession you had and you really had real goals like you were talking about, when did the when did the drinking become more of a priority than
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Coach Joe
the hockey?
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Coach Joe
Later in high school, my grades started slipping, and I figured that hockey was gonna be able to to carry me through and get me to college.
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Coach Joe
And then when I started talking to coaches who were watching me play and, were interested, and then all of a sudden, they would see my grades.
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Coach Joe
And, I basically graduated high school by the skin of my teeth.
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Coach Joe
I I graduated, I think, at a GPA of 1.3 or something like that, which I don't know if you can get much lower and still pass.
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Coach Joe
But, so at that point, I kinda realized that, you know, that that dream of playing in the Olympics and playing d one hockey was was out the window.
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Coach Joe
So I, I decided to couldn't get into college, so I joined the air force, served my country, do the right thing.
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Coach Joe
You know?
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Coach Joe
And, 18 years old, away from home for the first time, being in states where the drinking age was actually 18, down in Mississippi and get to a certain point in your training where you're allowed to to to drink at night.
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Coach Joe
And I started going to the to the airman's club every night after school.
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Coach Joe
Every weekend was a blur.
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Coach Joe
Every weekend, I don't remember.
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Coach Joe
I remember basic training.
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Coach Joe
Not a lot of drink, but found realized, hey.
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Coach Joe
I'm allowed to buy NyQuil and would drink a whole bottle of NyQuil, and it doesn't do the same thing when you drink the whole bottle.
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Coach Joe
It does.
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Damon Frank
And, yeah, and probably at that time, you didn't think that this is a problem at all.
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Damon Frank
Right?
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Coach Joe
Oh, no.
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Coach Joe
It was a way to to get to feel the way I wanted to feel without getting in trouble.
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Coach Joe
You know?
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Damon Frank
You know, they always hey, coach show.
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Damon Frank
They they say that somebody text me this the other day.
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Damon Frank
They said, you know, addiction is like, you know, trading everything for one thing.
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Damon Frank
It's like giving up everything for this one thing, but we don't see it like that.
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Damon Frank
Did you see it like that at the time?
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Coach Joe
I don't think I I kinda I don't think I thought I realized or acknowledged that I was giving anything up.
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Coach Joe
I think the whole like, the hockey thing was just okay.
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Coach Joe
It wasn't in my cards.
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Coach Joe
It wasn't meant to be.
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Coach Joe
So let's do this air force thing.
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Coach Joe
And basic training.
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Coach Joe
I was I was doing well.
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Coach Joe
Finally got to my regular duty assignment out in Las Vegas, Nevada.
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Coach Joe
Scary place for a young alcoholic to be.
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Damon Frank
I bet.
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Coach Joe
My my roommate was 23, so he was able to we always had alcohol in the room.
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Coach Joe
Then I started getting in trouble, being hungover and being late for work.
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Coach Joe
And I was actually put into correctional custody for thirty days, basically, air force jail.
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Coach Joe
And along with that, I had to I was mandated to go to a meeting.
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Coach Joe
It wasn't necessarily AA, but it was an air force run abuse, substance abuse classes.
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Coach Joe
And I remember the the the moderator or facilitator, whatever you wanna call him, was telling me that I was an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
And I'm like, oh, well, you you can't tell me I'm I'm an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
Only I can tell me I'm an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
And they're like, well,
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Damon Frank
how does this click?
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Damon Frank
Because when they say that No.
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Damon Frank
And your mom obviously is in recovery.
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Damon Frank
You see this guy.
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Damon Frank
You have experiences throughout your whole family and your early work, and it doesn't you don't link it.
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Damon Frank
Right?
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Damon Frank
And isn't this the strange thing about alcoholism that we don't link it?
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Coach Joe
No.
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Coach Joe
Because I was telling him, I'm like, you can't tell me I'm an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
Only I can tell me because my mom told me that nobody can tell you you're an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
Only only that person.
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Coach Joe
Only yourself can tell you you're an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
So then this guy's like, well, if you're the child of an alcoholic, the odds of you becoming an alcoholic, there's one in five chance of you becoming an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
And I'm like, oh, okay.
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Coach Joe
And I started thinking about it a little bit, and I'm like, okay.
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Coach Joe
Yeah.
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Coach Joe
There's five kids in my family, so maybe one of us is an alcoholic.
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Coach Joe
And, so as these poor decisions started coming up and I would choose partying and and having fun over actually doing my job.
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Coach Joe
And anybody that knows anything about the military, I think the air force is probably the way to go if you wanna have fun.
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Coach Joe
You know, my my brother-in-law who is in the army said, oh, it looked like you guys were going to a softball game all the time because, you know, we got to wear our squadron ball caps.
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Coach Joe
And, yeah, I had a nine to five job.
00:15:01 - 00:15:11
Coach Joe
I was a radar operator, and if we weren't doing it, we would do the red flag missions where we would help train the pilots.
00:15:12 - 00:15:15
Coach Joe
And if it wasn't a mission, we would only work half days.
00:15:17 - 00:15:21
Coach Joe
So we're working one week, we're we're working nine to twelve.
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Coach Joe
The next week, we're working twelve to five.
00:15:25 - 00:15:36
Coach Joe
And so every other weekend, you basically had a three day weekend because you'd be done Friday at at noon, and you wouldn't have to be at work until, Monday at five or Monday at noon.
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Coach Joe
So, you know, Las Vegas to Tijuana wasn't very far.
00:15:44 - 00:15:47
Coach Joe
Las Vegas to LA wasn't very far.
00:15:47 - 00:15:49
Coach Joe
Las Vegas to San Francisco.
00:15:50 - 00:15:56
Coach Joe
My roommate was a big grateful, Grateful Dead fan, so we would go out.
00:15:56 - 00:16:01
Coach Joe
And I know you're you have a a good good, story about Haight Ashbury.
00:16:01 - 00:16:02
Damon Frank
Yes.
00:16:02 - 00:16:02
Damon Frank
Exactly.
00:16:03 - 00:16:05
Coach Joe
Spent some time up there.
00:16:05 - 00:16:09
Coach Joe
I remember going to Grateful Dead Show, and I could I could tell you stories about Grateful Dead Show.
00:16:09 - 00:16:19
Coach Joe
But and, you know, these these parties and this this live life like you know, we we joked to the group of us.
00:16:19 - 00:16:25
Coach Joe
We were the we called ourselves the beer hunters, and our motto was live life like you're on vacation.
00:16:27 - 00:16:35
Coach Joe
But that life living life on vacation is what got me ended up getting me out of the out of the service.
00:16:35 - 00:16:50
Damon Frank
You know, Joe, when we come back, we're gonna talk about what happened when this all of a sudden stopped working for you, how you kinda linked it all together after this quick break, how you linked it all together, and how you walked in the solution.
00:16:50 - 00:16:53
Damon Frank
Because you have seventeen years and that, you know, that's something to sneeze at.
00:16:53 - 00:16:54
Damon Frank
That's a long time.
00:16:55 - 00:16:57
Damon Frank
And I think many people will relate to your story.
00:16:57 - 00:17:06
Damon Frank
You guys, when we come back, Joe's gonna get to the rest of us for about what happened and then what he actually did, steps he took to get sober.
00:17:06 - 00:17:09
Damon Frank
We'll be back right after this quick quick break.
00:17:10 - 00:17:12
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Announcer
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Announcer
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Intro
Today.
00:18:35 - 00:18:40
Intro
You're listening to the recovered life show, the show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives.
00:18:42 - 00:18:48
Damon Frank
And we're back with my guest, coach Joe, with the topic of knowledge avails as nothing.
00:18:48 - 00:18:55
Damon Frank
Before the break, coach, you were talking about how you had family members that were already sober at this time.
00:18:55 - 00:18:57
Damon Frank
You had you've seen alcoholism.
00:18:57 - 00:19:10
Damon Frank
You know, you you you you've seen it firsthand, and you you thought, no, that's not gonna be me, but you find yourself in a situation, you know, in the military drinking too much, doing the thing.
00:19:11 - 00:19:11
Damon Frank
What happened?
00:19:11 - 00:19:21
Damon Frank
How how did it how did it hit the wall where you started to realize, Joe, that maybe maybe you've seen this before?
00:19:24 - 00:19:31
Coach Joe
Well, when I got out, you know, initially, I didn't put two and two together.
00:19:31 - 00:19:36
Coach Joe
I didn't link the the drinking to my issues.
00:19:38 - 00:19:42
Coach Joe
I just thought I was young, immature, homesick.
00:19:43 - 00:19:45
Coach Joe
So when I came home, I I'm like, okay.
00:19:45 - 00:19:49
Coach Joe
Let's go back to school or let's try to go to college.
00:19:49 - 00:19:55
Coach Joe
And so I enrolled in a local community college and actually ended up flunking out.
00:19:57 - 00:20:02
Coach Joe
Something that is extremely hard to do is flunk out of community college.
00:20:02 - 00:20:16
Coach Joe
But, again, that was instead of doing homework, I was I was hanging out partying, but I would get a job, bounce around from job to job, relationship to relationship.
00:20:17 - 00:20:21
Coach Joe
I eventually got a job working at a local ice skating rink.
00:20:21 - 00:20:37
Coach Joe
And with that job, I started teaching kids how to skate, how to play hockey, and that that passion of mine of of playing hockey and and getting back into hockey was was coming back.
00:20:37 - 00:20:38
Coach Joe
You know?
00:20:38 - 00:20:39
Coach Joe
It was, okay.
00:20:39 - 00:20:40
Coach Joe
Maybe I'm not gonna play hockey.
00:20:40 - 00:20:42
Coach Joe
Maybe I'm gonna coach hockey.
00:20:45 - 00:20:50
Coach Joe
So got into, got into that, got it started coaching hockey.
00:20:51 - 00:20:54
Coach Joe
This is, like, late eighties, early nineties.
00:20:55 - 00:20:57
Coach Joe
Started coaching high school hockey.
00:20:59 - 00:21:04
Coach Joe
Ended up meeting my future ex wife.
00:21:04 - 00:21:09
Coach Joe
And with her, it was okay.
00:21:09 - 00:21:10
Coach Joe
You need a real job.
00:21:10 - 00:21:12
Coach Joe
We we wanna get a house, start a family.
00:21:13 - 00:21:15
Coach Joe
This this job is not a real job.
00:21:17 - 00:21:19
Coach Joe
It's just a a plaything.
00:21:19 - 00:21:30
Coach Joe
So I got a job working, working construction, and that was, you know, decent job.
00:21:30 - 00:21:33
Coach Joe
I was getting decent pay, but ended up getting laid off.
00:21:33 - 00:21:53
Coach Joe
And after that layoff, actually, in that time, we did get married, and had that typical alcoholic, marriage where, you'd fight fight, you know, fight like crazy and then make up and then fight and then make up.
00:21:53 - 00:22:01
Coach Joe
And, I I started to realize that all these fights were happening when up after we were drinking.
00:22:03 - 00:22:09
Coach Joe
So I would try to I like, I remember making the comment that, hey.
00:22:09 - 00:22:11
Coach Joe
Maybe I am an alcoholic.
00:22:11 - 00:22:18
Coach Joe
Maybe it I am the one in five that, that that got the got the family disease.
00:22:20 - 00:22:26
Coach Joe
But my wife at the time was like, oh, well, maybe just it's worse when you're drinking whiskey.
00:22:27 - 00:22:30
Coach Joe
Maybe just just stick to to beer and wine.
00:22:31 - 00:22:45
Coach Joe
And so did that for a while, and it was it was working and, you know, but we were still fighting and, we we, had a kid, bought a house.
00:22:45 - 00:22:46
Coach Joe
Things look good.
00:22:46 - 00:22:55
Coach Joe
I started tending bar, started managing bars, and, you know, what a what a great job for for an alcoholic to have.
00:22:57 - 00:22:59
Coach Joe
Didn't have to pay for it as much.
00:23:01 - 00:23:02
Coach Joe
One of one of my amendments.
00:23:03 - 00:23:13
Coach Joe
But, you know, my the one the one bar I worked at, the the owner actually he didn't tell us we weren't allowed to drink.
00:23:13 - 00:23:17
Coach Joe
He would just put time limits on us, that we weren't allowed to drink until a certain time.
00:23:19 - 00:23:27
Damon Frank
When did this start to hit the wall for you where you realized and it all clicked?
00:23:27 - 00:23:28
Damon Frank
Can you take me to that point?
00:23:28 - 00:23:39
Damon Frank
Because I think for a lot of people who have it, there's such denial, especially if we come from there's almost more than mile if we come from a family that has it because we don't wanna be that.
00:23:39 - 00:23:44
Damon Frank
Can you take me to the day where it just really clicked for you?
00:23:44 - 00:23:50
Coach Joe
I think it it really started getting when, when my wife asked me to move out.
00:23:52 - 00:23:55
Coach Joe
It was shortly after our tenth anniversary.
00:23:58 - 00:24:03
Coach Joe
Shared you know, had a nice had a nice dinner, nice expensive bottle of wine.
00:24:06 - 00:24:20
Coach Joe
And I so I moved out, got my own apartment, and basically started living a life that I look back at today, and I'm not too proud of of who I was.
00:24:24 - 00:24:41
Coach Joe
Again, bouncing from relationship to relationship, drinking every night, not remembering a lot of things, and, it was just it was ugly.
00:24:41 - 00:24:43
Coach Joe
It was it was really ugly.
00:24:43 - 00:24:51
Coach Joe
I remember one time my daughter behind me passed out and couldn't wake me up, and I kept saying I'm not gonna drink.
00:24:51 - 00:24:52
Coach Joe
I'm not gonna drink.
00:24:54 - 00:24:56
Coach Joe
A little time would go on, and I'd be like, okay.
00:24:56 - 00:24:57
Coach Joe
Yeah.
00:24:57 - 00:24:58
Coach Joe
Let let me manage it.
00:24:58 - 00:24:59
Coach Joe
Let me I won't drink.
00:24:59 - 00:25:03
Coach Joe
I won't start drinking till certain time.
00:25:03 - 00:25:05
Coach Joe
I won't drink when my daughter's at the house.
00:25:05 - 00:25:11
Coach Joe
I won't drink you know, started putting rules that would would work for a week.
00:25:14 - 00:25:20
Coach Joe
But towards the end, those those roles weren't working anymore.
00:25:22 - 00:25:28
Coach Joe
It was May.
00:25:28 - 00:25:30
Coach Joe
I I don't remember the exact date.
00:25:30 - 00:25:31
Coach Joe
I got a new job.
00:25:32 - 00:25:34
Coach Joe
I was I was working in fast food managing.
00:25:36 - 00:25:53
Coach Joe
I was actually able to to get a promotion and and have a decent job, running a a local national chain, running one of their stores and was was doing great.
00:25:53 - 00:25:55
Coach Joe
You know, I was the numbers were great.
00:25:55 - 00:26:11
Coach Joe
You know, they would they were actually auditing me because my numbers were too good, but I was still having that the general manager position actually helped me out as an alcoholic because I was able to basically make my own hours.
00:26:13 - 00:26:19
Coach Joe
If I was hungover and came in late, well, I'll just stay late, you know, and whatever.
00:26:19 - 00:26:39
Coach Joe
But that May February, I was out in New Jersey training for a new job with a a, full service restaurant, and I got a text that my best friend had passed away suddenly.
00:26:40 - 00:26:52
Coach Joe
And that night, I got a got a handle and drank the whole thing, and I still felt that pain.
00:26:55 - 00:27:02
Coach Joe
And at that point, I realized that it just I was I I'm now a pickle.
00:27:02 - 00:27:06
Coach Joe
I I cannot something has to change.
00:27:07 - 00:27:16
Coach Joe
Found out that the manager at that store that I was training was in the rooms, and I started talking to him, and he asked me one question.
00:27:17 - 00:27:23
Coach Joe
He goes, do you wake up in the morning and say you're not gonna drink?
00:27:24 - 00:27:26
Coach Joe
And I said, yes.
00:27:26 - 00:27:32
Coach Joe
And he says, well, nonalcoholics don't wake up in the morning and say they're not gonna drink.
00:27:33 - 00:27:34
Coach Joe
They just don't drink.
00:27:36 - 00:27:40
Coach Joe
I did I did miss I gotta step back a little bit.
00:27:42 - 00:27:58
Coach Joe
My sister about ten years before this happened, my sister actually joined AA, and I figured for a while there, I figured, well, that's the one in five, that I was safe.
00:27:58 - 00:27:59
Damon Frank
Thank god.
00:27:59 - 00:28:01
Damon Frank
She's the one who got it, and you're safe.
00:28:01 - 00:28:02
Coach Joe
She's the one I'm safe.
00:28:02 - 00:28:03
Coach Joe
Drink her.
00:28:03 - 00:28:04
Damon Frank
You could just be a problem with it.
00:28:07 - 00:28:14
Coach Joe
So that was that was around the time when my wife and I was talking about it, and she was just saying to switch back to just beer and wine.
00:28:15 - 00:28:19
Damon Frank
So this this pursuit, obviously, you got sober.
00:28:19 - 00:28:22
Damon Frank
You've been sober for, you know, well over a decade.
00:28:24 - 00:28:28
Damon Frank
And, you know, pleased to announce you found your passion again.
00:28:30 - 00:28:30
Coach Joe
Yes.
00:28:30 - 00:28:31
Damon Frank
You know?
00:28:31 - 00:28:36
Damon Frank
And what what I love about what I love about your story is when when I first talked with you, I was like, wow.
00:28:36 - 00:28:37
Damon Frank
You told me about this.
00:28:37 - 00:28:38
Damon Frank
But then I was like, you know what?
00:28:38 - 00:28:40
Damon Frank
You were able to rebuild.
00:28:40 - 00:28:45
Damon Frank
You were able to rekindle your passion again and build a life in sobriety.
00:28:47 - 00:28:55
Damon Frank
And, you know, when it all came together for you and as you started to build this life, did you start to look back and say, oh my god.
00:28:55 - 00:28:57
Damon Frank
I knew this is right in front of me the whole time.
00:28:57 - 00:28:58
Coach Joe
Oh, yeah.
00:28:59 - 00:28:59
Coach Joe
Yeah.
00:28:59 - 00:29:09
Coach Joe
That that from that moment when my when my friend passed away, to when I got sober was actually eight months.
00:29:10 - 00:29:15
Coach Joe
And I look back at it now, that was the worst eight months of my life.
00:29:15 - 00:29:19
Coach Joe
I got fired from that job that I was working at.
00:29:19 - 00:29:24
Coach Joe
I I got two DUIs.
00:29:25 - 00:29:28
Coach Joe
This is all after I admitted that I was an alcoholic.
00:29:30 - 00:29:40
Coach Joe
But the the straw that broke the camel's back was the day I got my license back from my first DUI, I was out celebrating.
00:29:41 - 00:29:49
Coach Joe
And I wrecked my car, and I got a DUI, my second DUI, and hopefully, my final DUI.
00:29:51 - 00:29:53
Coach Joe
And that was the last day I drank.
00:29:53 - 00:30:04
Coach Joe
So, and I think at that moment, the next morning, I called my mom, and I told her what happened.
00:30:06 - 00:30:11
Coach Joe
And she actually came and took me to the rehab.
00:30:12 - 00:30:21
Coach Joe
And when I signed up, I I think that is the proudest I've ever seen my mother be proud of me.
00:30:23 - 00:30:39
Coach Joe
From when I got married, when I had a child, when I had great hockey games, When I joined the service, I've never seen my mother as proud as I did when I when I said I need to go to rehab.
00:30:40 - 00:30:49
Damon Frank
You know, coach Joe, it it's it's funny because, you know, we talk a lot about surrendering on recovered life, you know, in the show and in the live streams.
00:30:49 - 00:31:03
Damon Frank
And when we finally do it, when we have when we when we've grown up with alcoholism around us, in a way, it's kind of a relief because you realize, oh, I'm not crazy.
00:31:03 - 00:31:08
Damon Frank
Like this is that this this is what's going on right in recovery here.
00:31:08 - 00:31:11
Damon Frank
We're in conclusion here as we as we draw this to an end.
00:31:11 - 00:31:24
Damon Frank
I'd love for you to talk about now that you've had this experience, right, where you've seen it, you became it, you've now rebuilt your life in recovery.
00:31:27 - 00:31:36
Damon Frank
How do you look at this differently when you work with others or you talk with others who have a problem that they say, you know, man, alcoholism's all in my family, but I don't think it's me.
00:31:36 - 00:31:39
Damon Frank
I mean, you hear this in the live stream every day.
00:31:39 - 00:31:39
Damon Frank
Right?
00:31:39 - 00:31:40
Damon Frank
It's be me.
00:31:41 - 00:31:43
Coach Joe
What's your reach in and grab them.
00:31:43 - 00:31:45
Damon Frank
What's your message to them?
00:31:45 - 00:31:45
Damon Frank
Guys.
00:31:46 - 00:31:47
Coach Joe
It's possible.
00:31:48 - 00:31:52
Coach Joe
It's, not only is it possible, it is so rewarding.
00:31:54 - 00:32:02
Coach Joe
In my recovery, I met my current wife who has had at the time, had two young young children.
00:32:03 - 00:32:08
Coach Joe
And with them, they got into hockey, and I started coaching.
00:32:11 - 00:32:13
Coach Joe
Within that, I got a job.
00:32:13 - 00:32:16
Coach Joe
I work at a at a local ice skating rink now.
00:32:16 - 00:32:18
Coach Joe
I I run all the adult leagues.
00:32:18 - 00:32:21
Coach Joe
For for many years, I was a youth hockey coordinator.
00:32:21 - 00:32:24
Coach Joe
I worked with all the little kids.
00:32:24 - 00:32:26
Coach Joe
I was teaching kids how to skate again.
00:32:26 - 00:32:28
Coach Joe
I was teaching kids how to play again.
00:32:31 - 00:32:34
Coach Joe
And I'm still coaching today.
00:32:34 - 00:32:36
Coach Joe
I'm not coaching the little kids anymore.
00:32:36 - 00:32:46
Coach Joe
Now I'm an assistant coach with a a local college team, which is just extraordinarily re rewarding.
00:32:49 - 00:32:57
Coach Joe
And I wouldn't have any of it if it wasn't for me saying I can't handle this.
00:32:57 - 00:32:58
Coach Joe
I need help.
00:33:01 - 00:33:08
Coach Joe
Without being able to admit that I couldn't do it.
00:33:08 - 00:33:23
Coach Joe
You know, when I when I hit that rock and I knew I felt my life was over, you know, and I remember going through the first time I went through the steps and, you know, admit you're an alcoholic.
00:33:24 - 00:33:24
Coach Joe
Yeah.
00:33:24 - 00:33:25
Coach Joe
I'm powerless.
00:33:26 - 00:33:35
Coach Joe
Turn my life, you know, and I'm like, how can I turn my life over and trust the higher power who I thought deserted me?
00:33:35 - 00:33:51
Coach Joe
You know, the all those years of of growing up in the Catholic church, the the God I remember learning about, not the God I necessarily was taught about, but the God I remember learning about was vengeful.
00:33:55 - 00:34:01
Coach Joe
You know, talking about going to hell and, like, from everything I did, I was I was definitely going to hell.
00:34:03 - 00:34:11
Coach Joe
And I I remember telling my sponsor how I I can't how can I believe in god if I don't if I believe god left me?
00:34:12 - 00:34:16
Coach Joe
And he's like, well, you don't need your higher power doesn't need to be god.
00:34:17 - 00:34:20
Coach Joe
He goes and jokingly, he said your higher power can be that rock.
00:34:21 - 00:34:25
Coach Joe
So for the longest time, that that rock was my higher power.
00:34:27 - 00:34:32
Coach Joe
But I found out that I wasn't gonna go to hell.
00:34:32 - 00:34:33
Coach Joe
I was in hell before.
00:34:35 - 00:34:43
Coach Joe
My life, you know, the the people I hear it all the time where people are afraid of AA because of it being religious.
00:34:44 - 00:34:53
Coach Joe
And, I've heard it said, and I I I love it, and I'll say it again that, you know, religion is for people that are afraid to go to hell.
00:34:53 - 00:34:57
Coach Joe
Spirituality are for people that have been to hell and don't wanna go back.
00:34:57 - 00:34:57
Coach Joe
Absolutely.
00:34:58 - 00:35:05
Coach Joe
And and AA is definitely a spiritual more spirit it's not religious.
00:35:05 - 00:35:05
Coach Joe
It's spiritual.
00:35:09 - 00:35:23
Coach Joe
It saved my life and every you know, just going through and working those steps now and, you know, I I use that that 10 step, you know, every day.
00:35:23 - 00:35:28
Coach Joe
If if I notice I did something wrong, I I go and I I try to fix it right away.
00:35:28 - 00:35:29
Coach Joe
I don't let it fester.
00:35:31 - 00:35:35
Coach Joe
Now there are times where I'm not as strong.
00:35:37 - 00:35:44
Coach Joe
And I remember, you know, not feeling too good when my my mother-in-law passed away.
00:35:44 - 00:35:50
Coach Joe
She she passed away from cancer, and I remember being upset about that.
00:35:50 - 00:35:55
Coach Joe
But I remember also thinking a drink isn't gonna isn't gonna bring her back.
00:35:55 - 00:35:57
Coach Joe
It's not gonna make anything better.
00:35:59 - 00:36:08
Coach Joe
And I need to to honor her by by staying sober and taking care of her her daughter and her grandkids.
00:36:09 - 00:36:15
Damon Frank
Keeping keeping it you know, keeping the sobriety going is really the solution.
00:36:15 - 00:36:18
Damon Frank
Coach Joe, thank you so much for coming on the show today.
00:36:18 - 00:36:30
Damon Frank
Guys, we are gonna if you're a recovered life plus subscriber, we're gonna do another couple minutes with coach Joe that we will release here and have access to if you are a subscriber on TikTok or here on recovered life.
00:36:30 - 00:36:32
Damon Frank
Joe, thank you so much for coming on.
00:36:32 - 00:36:33
Damon Frank
Hold on tight, Joe.
00:36:33 - 00:36:38
Damon Frank
We're gonna we're gonna come right back to you later, but thank you guys for tuning into this episode.
00:36:38 - 00:36:42
Damon Frank
And, you know, I always say, Joe, you know, final last word here.
00:36:42 - 00:36:50
Damon Frank
If if alcoholism's in your family and you've kind of seen this rodeo before, it's something to pay attention to.
00:36:51 - 00:36:53
Damon Frank
Something to pay attention to.
00:36:53 - 00:36:54
Damon Frank
Alright, guys.
00:36:54 - 00:36:55
Damon Frank
We'll talk to you soon.
00:36:55 - 00:36:56
Damon Frank
Thanks so much.
00:36:59 - 00:36:59
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