The Recovered Life Show

Brian O'Shea (00:00):
Brian O'Shea. People ask for intervention help because they have a loved one who's in crisis and they don't know what to do. Who the intervention for is, is a wonderful question. Who is the intervention for it's for the family to begin their healing? Because their loved ones crisis has traumatized. The family for a long time has brightened the family. The family is having their problems. So it's for the family as well as for the person of concerns.

Announcer (00:39):
You're listening to the recovered life show the show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives. And here is your host Damon, Frank,

Damon Frank (00:50):
Welcome back to the recovered life show. I'm pleased to be joined again today by Brian O'Shea We all know Brian. He is a top sobriety coach and interventionist. Welcome back to this show, Brian,

Brian O'Shea (01:02):
Thanks, Damon. Great to be

Damon Frank (01:04):
Here. Great to be here with you and this topic about interventions. So, so many people are interested in this. I'm interested in this. I've actually never been to an intervention and I've seen them on TV and they look super dramatic, look really emotional. And I wanted to get you on because you are one of the USS leading interventionists. And I wanted to talk with you about what the family can expect. What can people expect if they're participating in an intervention?

Brian O'Shea (01:38):
It's an excellent question. The TV show shows a certain intervention experience that is not necessarily what the family will experience. So intervention when offered in a way that I enjoy the most and is more thoughtful is working with the family is understanding the family's journey. Uh, there's a genogram done. So we understand the family's history. There's a timeline done to understand the person's journey that we're there to help the person of concern. And the way it often begins is a small conference call done on a pro bono basis with the two or three leaders of this idea. And then they get an idea that they feel comfortable and they wanna move forward. And next step would be probably a conference call with the key people that we've decided will be on the intervention team. And then at some point you move to some form of hybrid where you decide who will be there in person who will have emailed in their letters. Sometimes I've actually done, uh, a television that's brought in specifically to show a zoom screen with three or four relatives who are not gonna be there physically often we have a few people on speaker phone or we're reading their letters. So it has a lot to do with family work first.

Damon Frank (03:26):
It, it seems, it seems that way, you know, Brian, just to back up a little bit, um, why would somebody, what are really interventions for, right, because I think we see, we see them on TV where it's always a shock or some sort of hidden secret to the person who they're actually intervening with. Right. Um, and it seems to be like, there's a lot of this work that's done before you actually get to the interventions, what you just shared. But, but why do typically people want to do interventions with people? Why don't they just sit down with them, the person and talk with them and say, Hey, look, I think you should go into treatment or have they done that already? And it just, hasn't worked

Brian O'Shea (04:08):
Generally. They've done that both. Sometimes they haven't. And it's very important for me to mention there's a part of the intervention community. And I am part of this. Occasionally almost nothing goes on behind their back. And we ask them to come over and tell them, we wanna talk about the problem that they're facing. Would they please join us? So sometimes there's no ambush at all. People ask for inter help because they have a loved one who's in crisis and they don't know what to do. Who the intervention for is, is a wonderful question. Who is the intervention for it's for the family to begin their healing? Because their loved ones crisis traumatized the family for a long time has frightened the family. The family is having their problems. So it's for the family as well as for the person of concern, the main person and the way a lot of us do it is we stay involved in the system usually a year, helping long term recovery for everyone involved in the family system. Yeah,

Damon Frank (05:29):
It does seem like the intervention is less about seems to be after speaking with you about this and getting to know you and the work that you do, it seems to be that every, the focus when I first thought of out of interventions had more to do with the person who had an out of control drug or alcohol problem, right? And it was their beginning point to maybe get into some sort of treatment or to do a timeout. So they can think about what's going on with their life. But really the intervention is about the family, starting a recovery process, whether or not the person that's that, that you're interv that you're doing the intervention for is actually deciding whether or not they want to start their own journey

Brian O'Shea (06:17):
Very much. So it's an interesting process. Each family is different. Now the majority of the interventions I've done, what happens at the end is the person agrees to go take some kind of action. And the biggest part of an intervention for those of, uh, who, uh, are like-minded with me, careful understanding of the family, careful understanding of the person of concern and the creation of the appropriate care plan for the person and the family, sometimes an intervention is would you accept going to a therapist, sometimes an intervention is, would you accept going to outpatient classically? It was, you know, you must get up and go to an inpatient care center. Certainly now in pandemic, it's more hybrid and more customized work because we're not certain that people need to go inpatients. So it brings new concerns. Intervention is about the family moving out of the denial and the secrets and moving into a healthier family system with a sense of freedom, a sense of P and the sense of more open communication and less

Damon Frank (07:44):
Secrets. Yeah. So I think it's like, it, it seems to be the demarcation line to, okay, we're now gonna talk about this openly, because I've noticed a lot with families with recovery, there might be a breakthrough, let's just say with the parents, right? So maybe mom and dad on the same page, but maybe a sibling or a good family friend or someone else, everybody has been told a different story, right. And has a different experience. And it seems like the intervention is a time that people can get together. And they're all sharing the same experience at the same time in the here and now. And I think this is where the drama, uh, the implication and the, just the kind of people think, wow, this has gotta be very, very dramatic. Let, let me ask you a direct question here. If there are family members listening to this right now are interventions like you see on TV. I mean, are people throwing chairs and freaking out, running away? Are those interventions like

Brian O'Shea (08:41):
No, a very, very small amount of them are that traumatic a lot more are thoughtful. There's crying. There's some great healing going on. The most difficult part of the intervention is the part right before it. You know, when you know, we're gonna go speak to my family member who has been struggling with this thing, unsuccessfully for so long and people's hearts are, gosh, I hope this works. I hope this works. I hope my asking. I love one to do something won't hurt our relationship.

Damon Frank (09:20):
You know, we, we all know Brian that a addiction is very tricky and baffling and very powerful and people that have addiction issues and are in the throes of it are sometimes, um, unaware of what other people know. They think that they're hiding it very well. Right? They think that, wow, I'm managing this. This is all going great. No one really knows what's your experience with w with people that you're doing interventions for, are they typically shocked that people know so much about what's going on with them?

Brian O'Shea (09:55):
Well, often they're are truths revealed and often, uh, aunt Tilley will say, well, you know, I lent you to $2,000 to buy the car and you never bought the car. And then uncle Bob who was not related to aunt Tilley goes, I lent him $2,000 to buy the car. And then seven people went to $2,000 to buy the car. There's still never been a car purchased. . So there's things like that. That happen. A lot of it also though, there are family members keeping secrets, these cut private deals. Don't tell anybody, but this is happening to don't tell anybody what that's happening. So that's part of it also, uh, it's a great moment for truth. And it's a great moment for the courage to tell the truth about the family system. And the way it was invented was Verne. John, a man in Texas who was an Episcopal priest, who was a long time member of AA.

Brian O'Shea (11:04):
He got this idea in divine guidance to have four or five or six people ask. And that was the big invention and AA was against him doing that. They said, people recover when they're ready. He said, I'm tired of doing funerals. And he invented intervention, ver Johnson of Texas, an Episcopal priest, a member of VA. And then the next big improvement was ju at land Dr. Juth land who created the invitational model, the family systems model, and then the systemic model, which is used in corporate and your family groups, which is a two day retreat. The thing about the intervention is it takes courage and it needs to be very thoughtfully done. You know, the letter is not this abusive letter. It is bringing some good memories of early days. It's one or two big events, and then it's hope for the future. So it's a connection between you and your loved one directly. It's how you've experienced

Damon Frank (12:12):
Them. And, and interventions. Do you know, they seem to be so much quicker because as we know with the recovery process, yes, people do sometimes decide that they're going to get sober on their own. And many people do, right? Like, I think we've all known people who have done that. Um, but the thing is that people might not have the resources or feel the support or really have the path. So I think what's so great about intervention. And if you could speak to this a little bit, is that the process of an intervention? Isn't just telling people, Hey, you have a drinking problem. You're killing yourself. It says that. Yeah, sure. People are saying, Hey, there's a problem. You're killing yourself. But here's a solution because I think so many times with, with, with, with the family drama with addiction is everybody gets sucked in. Everybody has hurt feelings. Everybody's trying to express themselves, but no one has a solution to how they can get out of where they're at.

Brian O'Shea (13:17):
Yeah. The whole thing of an intervention is to have a plan, an affordable plan, a reasonable plan, and to have that plan worked out and that plan includes, who's gonna take care of my children. Who's gonna take care of my pets. Who's gonna take care of the house. You know, all that should be answered during the intervention. People should be ready. It should be a coherent, compassionate, effective plan. Absolutely. An intervention is a well thought out care plan for the individual and the family system.

Damon Frank (13:52):
So if people are sitting here and they're listening to this, maybe it it's a family or a person that's gonna be involved in an intervention or helping plan an intervention or gonna be in an intervention. I'm sure they're thinking right now. It's like, I'm scared because if I do this, there's a possibility that this person's never gonna talk to me again. It's the worst case scenarios gonna happen. They're gonna go out and drink or do drugs, or, you know, kill themselves. That rarely happens. Right? I mean like normally, like after talking with you, you know, and you know, just being friends with you and, and, and, and, you know, hearing about your experiences rarely are things worse after the intervention. Sometimes it might not work out the way that you plan, but there tends to be a huge sense of relief, right? Because at least things are complete. Everybody kind of knows where they stand.

Brian O'Shea (14:47):
Well, exactly. The truth has been told now. And the secret in the walking on eggshells is over the statistics and research are very clear of very high amount of people after a well crafted intervention of very high amounts of people agree to take action immediately. Or if the family system maintains the, the posture appropriately with compassion and consistency in a couple of days, even more people agree, surprisingly interventions are by and large, very successful, which is counterintuitive. And the thing that perhaps is complex for families is they have probably one on one, talked to the person and got nowhere. The power of the family is four or five, six people asking it once and asking them specifically, will you help us? Will you take action and speaking to their heart? So it's a heart connection and it involves everyone and there, and the power of numbers, the power of a clean message, the power of breaking through that denial, uh, by and large, the numbers are always much, much better because the person definitely from then on tries to behave better by and law. Now, of course, there's, there's other events, but generally the research has shown it's a much, much higher percentage of success than people predict. You know, it's counterintuitive how successful it's.

Damon Frank (16:26):
And if people are out there, Brian, and they're looking to choose an interventionist, right? They're going down this path, what are some of the things that they should look for when they're talking with an interventionist? What are some of the signs that this is a good match for the family and the interventionist?

Brian O'Shea (16:45):
Well, one thing is if they are offered by the interventionist, a long term involvement, you know, the inter the old intervention was, you know, show up, get the guy to the treatment center in vanish, that's old school stuff. People that are immediately offering a long term care plan as part of what they're offering. Also, you look for membership in the association of intervention specialists or membership in the network of independent interventionists. You look for people who are members of their state professionals program, or the local professional programs. You look for people who have references. You know, you can call this person in the industry, that person in the industry street. And you look for people who are very competent, compassionate, and that I are good listeners. They're listening to you clearly, also. Yeah. Also it's the idea that they are going to create the plan after they learn a lot more about your loved one.

Damon Frank (18:00):
Yeah. So it's, it's

Brian O'Shea (18:01):
If you tell, if you, yeah, if you tell one sentence, they go, I know exactly where they need to go. It's not a great song.

Damon Frank (18:08):
Got. So if you, if there are people out here kind of final thoughts, Brian, if, if people are out here listening to this and you know, they're, they're not in recovery, they they've never had addiction problems. Right. But they have a loved one who, who is really, really suffering. And they're at the point where they're like, okay, we, we have to do an intervention, but they're just terrified that it's not gonna go well. What would, what would be your advice for them?

Brian O'Shea (18:36):
Well, there's a book called love first by Deborah and Jeff J it's an inexpensive book. It explains the process in great detail and then go to the people, you know, cause the lawyers who do a lot of du wise, they probably know a re a reasonable, reputable intervention is the addiction counselors. They know probably a good interventionist. So you can find someone who's reputable by asking professionals that are working in addiction, health,

Damon Frank (19:08):
Brian Oche thank you so much for coming on the show. Um, you are on recovered life, right? Um,

Brian O'Shea (19:14):
Yeah. I'm enjoying it so much recovered life. I'm able to help people. I'm so excited to be part of

Damon Frank (19:20):
This. Yeah. So if you wanna connect with Brian, Brian actually has his own group in recovered life. It's called unstuck with Brian Oche so you can connect with them there. And we're also on clubhouse too, a couple of times a week, and you can find out the dates and times by just joining recovered life. Brian, thanks so much for coming on the show today.

Brian O'Shea (19:42):
Damon, always a pleasure. Thank you.

Announcer (19:44):
Keep the conversation going. Join recovered life. A community of like-minded people who are looking to live their best recover lives. Membership is free and you can apply it, recovered life.us.