The Recovered Life Show

Lane Kennedy (00:00):
Sometimes people talk about that state of flow, where you're, you're just working and nothing else matters, right? You've reached that state of flow. It it's electrifying to be able to drop into that place in the middle of the day, but you have to set yourself up to drop into it. Like if you don't have a practice, you're not gonna drop into it. And for those of us in recovery, it's really important to have that, uh, schedule or a little alert on your phone to say, it's time to practice.

Announcer (00:38):
You're listening to the recovered life. Show the show that helps people in recovery live their best recovered lives. And here is your host. Damon, Frank,

Damon Frank (00:49):
Welcome back to the recovered life show. I am pleased to be joined today by recovered life contributor and meditation and mindfulness expert lane Kennedy. How you doing lane? So

Lane Kennedy (01:00):
Good to be here. Nice to see you.

Damon Frank (01:02):
Damon. I am so thrilled to be talking with you. Look, we're in 2022 lane. Can you believe it?

Lane Kennedy (01:08):
I know it it's. I feel like we need medals at this point.

Damon Frank (01:11):
it's like, I know, I know. And the, and you know, look, we were talking about how the holidays can really leave you frazzled. Yeah. And then setting goals, everything that you want to do in the new year, it could become so overwhelming mm-hmm and this is where you come in lane because you are the mindfulness and meditation expert. Yeah. That I turn to, and I wanted to have you on the show today to really talk about things that you can do to create a routine. Because now everybody's looking at, you know, how am I gonna 20, 22 different than I did 20, 21. And a lot of that is creating a routine, right?

Lane Kennedy (01:49):
Everybody needs a routine right now with flexibility, not hard lines because you know, life is gonna throw life at us. So being able to kind of move through it, but definitely having a routine is important. Right. Right now.

Damon Frank (02:05):
So when we talk about a mindfulness meditation routine, this is where I get a little confused. Okay. I'm gonna be because, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one who's told you this. Right? Mm-hmm because for me, I'm new with the mindfulness and meditation, right. It's a new practice for me, although I've done it. I'm, I'm a kind of, I start it, then I'll stop it. I'll start it. Then I stop it. So I know I need a routine, but I find that if it's too rigid. Yeah. It kind of turns me off. It's kind of the opposite of what I want to try to achieve. Yeah. In doing meditation. I mean, do you hear that a lot? Yeah.

Lane Kennedy (02:40):
All the time. And so I think I wanna just smash that myth right now. Like let's just delete, cancel, cancel. So there's mindfulness, which is a way of life, which is a way of living. And then there's meditation and people get really confused about this. So mindfulness is a way of seeing the world being in the world, uh, processing, being in relationships, mindfulness is, again, it's, it's a way of life. And when you look at recovery, it's kind of leveling up your recovery, honestly. And then meditation is, I'm out. It's a, it's a place it's a, it's a, a way of allowing your brain to rest. Does that make sense? Sta

Damon Frank (03:29):
Absolutely. So what you're really saying is, is I scheduling mindfulness. Isn't gonna work because it's not something you can schedule, right? No, no. It's a, it's a way in which you're living your life like recovery, like you can't really schedule recovery. You're either in recovery or you're not. Right, right.

Lane Kennedy (03:45):
Right. And I think that's why people get so confused about it. And it's, you, you have to learn how to practice. You can't just say, oh, I'm gonna be mindful because you're gonna forget about it. It's just like recovery. Like you said, it's, you're either in or out. And the water gets really murky because people think, oh, I can, I can do that. But then they're behind the wheel and somebody cuts 'em off and they're rageful. Right. So, and it's no, that's not it at all. So really understanding that mindfulness is a practice just as much as a meditation is. And there's something about like being in 2022 right now, it's such a wonderful opportunity to kind of set some intention and some goals to move forward in creating the, these, these practices.

Damon Frank (04:32):
Now meditation, on the other hand lane, I can schedule meditation. Right. Because, okay, so, so how, what's the best way to do that? Because I heard somebody talking about how they had put off the meditation till the end of the day. And they just kept falling asleep

Lane Kennedy (04:51):
Which I think is, okay. Sleep is so important, especially for those of us in recovery, because I know a lot of times, uh, my clients come to me because there's so much disruption in sleep, but setting it's like sacred time putting it aside. This is when I'm going to do that. And you know, I work with police officers and a lot of times I'll say you go to the bathroom, right? Cuz they'll say, I don't have time to do this. Everybody goes to the bathroom, everybody at some point is sitting on the toilet. And sometimes I ask my clients to just use that time as a meditation, it's a timeout. They can have one extra minute door closed. Nobody's gonna bother them. No kids, no like nobody you're in there setting at time, apart from your normal day. That's a, it's a really good habit to have.

Damon Frank (05:48):
Yes. And I, I like that, that you're pre-scheduling the times that you're gonna actually practice that meditation. Yeah. Because I've found, and, and this may be is a bad analogy, but like learning an instrument or, uh, a sport mm-hmm mm-hmm meditation is something you have to kind of practice mm-hmm it doesn't, you're not gonna be really good. Like I'm not gonna be the best baseball player right out of the gate. Right. I have to practice at that little by little and it's an cumulative success, right?

Lane Kennedy (06:19):
Yes. Yes. It takes time and years to build a practice just like in recovery. It takes time to get that 30 days, that 60 days, that year, that five years it takes time and practice to be in recovery. And that's when we look at a meditation practice, you know, sometimes I don't wanna practice, but because I've already built that into my life. It's a habit that I do because I know the outcome or the benefits outweigh not doing the practice.

Damon Frank (06:52):
Yeah. I, you know, and the, the, here's the thing that, why I love TA with you, Elaine, because you kind of bring in the focus, the importance of meditation and mindfulness in the daily recovered life. Because I find that, um, a lot of the times my thought process mm-hmm , and I'm not alone. When, when I talk with friends, their thought process is I do don't have time to meditate. And not only that, uh, I can't think like my life is totally outta control. Right. I hear this a lot. And they know mindfulness is in meditation is gonna helpful them. The practice of especially meditation. Yeah. But they feel that they're too busy to do it. Right. It's kind of like the chicken and the egg thing. You're bleeding to death cuz you don't wanna put on a tourniquet.

Lane Kennedy (07:43):
Right. And, and this is why I start some people in the bathroom, honestly, because nobody can say no, I can't do that. The next place that I'll say, why don't you practice? Mindfulness is sitting with your morning beverage, right? Just sitting there with your morning, morning beverage, smelling the aroma of your coffee, listening to the crunch of the croissant. Right. Noticing the pitter pattern of the rain, if it's raining. So that taking that mindful moment is a great way to start your day. And there's no excuse not to. Right? Like you can, you can practice with everybody around you. You don't have to like lock yourself up somewhere. You can actually practice in the moment with family members, dogs all around you. But bringing that awareness to the senses right. Can really set your day in a positive motion. So when you're out, you know, and again, I always like the just traffic cuz everybody deals with traffic and having, you know, somebody cut you off and that brush right. If you've practiced mindfulness and you've had that meditative moment, you're gonna have, you're gonna be more resilient and less, uh, you'll have less impulsivity. So you won't be, you know, doing something that you might regret.

Damon Frank (09:13):
You know, I, I love that you say it that way because I, you know, I hear from a lot of people too that, and, and this was my, as a type a person I'm, I'm very type a right. Mm-hmm like, you know me and I'm very like, let's go do it. Like, you know, let's conquer the world. Mm-hmm um, and mindfulness for me. And also the practice of meditation is huge. It really helps me. But a lot of times I get caught in a trap. It's like, what's this really doing for me? right. I've been sitting here for 20 minutes. Mm-hmm , you know, looking at my fingernails or something or a dog barking, like you said. Right. Mm-hmm and yeah, I start to feel like I've calmed down a little bit, but I, I, I think the thing is, is that people don't see, you know, that from my standpoint is a lot of people can't connect. Hey, am I winning it? Mindfulness and meditation. Yeah. And it's not like a normal thing, like baseball. It's not like I hit the ball so far. Right? Yeah. What, what, what do people not catch that their lives are changing and it's actually working for them, but they're not really connecting the dots that it's because they have a good meditation and mindfulness practice.

Lane Kennedy (10:23):
So what I see is really it's an eight week process. If you put in a practice, mindfulness and meditation, if you start that journey within eight weeks, you will see significant factors all around you. So I just talked about that impulsivity. That is huge for those of us in recovery, right. That kind of quick reactionary thinking, you know, like your partner comes down and says, well, did you pay the bills? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You gotta take the ornaments down. You have to, did you take the dog right. Instead of reacting and answering like quickly, you actually have time to pause and consider. And then, oh, I guess I, I can do that today or no, I can't do that. There's a really clear, uh, distinction between those reactions that you have with your partner or spouse or your child. Another really great benefit is just feeling settled in your body.

Lane Kennedy (11:25):
And for those of us in recovery, we don't take the time to just be like, we're like constantly go, go, go, go, go, go, go all the time. We gotta go, go, go, go, go. But what that does just hormonally and to our brain, it ages us, okay, we're all aging forward. We don't wanna do that. We want to slow that process down as much as possible. So taking those mindful moments of that meditation practice really changes our brain changes our hormonal response and allows us to sleep more deeply. Right. Get more done in your day. So you can become more efficient and effective. You have clear thinking, like you can focus on details for longer amounts of time. Instead of being all over the place. like, I know a lot of people in recovery, you're like, I gotta do this. I gotta do that. Implementing the practice just brings you down. Yeah. Not in a bad way. Not down like

Damon Frank (12:24):
Down, but like, no, I, I understand it. It allows you to be a clear thinker and what we've learned through years of being sober. Right? Yeah. And also just the whole, uh, the whole study, the scientific study yep. Of addiction is addiction primarily as a thinking problem. Right? Yep. And part of that thinking problem is trying to pack so much into the stream of life. Mm-hmm, trying to pack so much that, that you can't, it's like, well, I'm not getting enough done, so I need to do more, but you're not really getting anything done. Right. You're just kind of spinning out of control.

Lane Kennedy (12:57):
Mm-hmm bouncing around. Yeah. It doesn't, it's, it's helpful that we're in recovery. And most people that I know in recovery are brilliant and we like to do a lot and we, and accomplish a lot and we can earn more, but that's all great. But how do we live our daily lives? Are we nice? Right? Are our relationships really warm and kind and loving? Are we making a greater impact or are we just sliding through life? So when I ask my clients to implement, you know, these strategies and these practices, they start to make greater impact. Their relationships change a hundred percent. They fall out of this, like webs. A lot of people in recovery are tangled up and muck. I start to identify like, oh, I can have my life over here. You know, they're able to make really clear decisions. So there's so many benefits of creating a practice that is sustainable.

Damon Frank (14:09):
Well, I know that one of the things that you do with your clients it's very effective is you actually structure out what those a eight weeks are gonna be. Right. Because, oh yeah. The unknown sometimes like I can be really excited on a Monday about making huge change. Yeah. But you know, Wednesday, Thursday rolls around. I don't really want to get outta bed 15 minutes early. Right. Like I just, I don't want to do that. Or I just feel that life's stressors inner into my life and I start making bad decisions. Right. Mm-hmm mm-hmm so tell me a little bit about how you put together these routines for people mm-hmm is it onerous? Is it like really hard to do once you have the routine or is it easier to do?

Lane Kennedy (14:51):
It's so much easier. It's so much easier to look at your schedule and to become more effective. So typically what I'll do with a client is I'll look at their day and look at their week and then we can insert practices. And it's not one type of practice. I don't teach my client one and type of practice. It's I take them through a journey of different practices to find out what fits for them. And then maybe on Wednesday, a 20 minute knee, Dr. Is not gonna work for you. But a five minute breath work practice will work for you. And you have a meeting and you know that you need to be on your a game. So that five minute breath work is going to shoot you to the moon and get you on fire. Right? So really showing clients the different types of practices to insert into their day, it changes everything. It changes the way that they move out into the world and interact with people because in recovery, we want to be our best selves, right. We wanna be living our best lives. So the practice having a practice at the, at the base level just elevates that recovered

Damon Frank (16:01):
Life. Yeah. AB absolutely. And you know, the thing that I think the pandemic has taught everyone is the importance of self care. Right? There's a lot more there's there's people that I, I know that are not in recovery. Mm-hmm , they're not even close to being in recovery. Right. They don't, they don't have any addiction problems. They don't they're they're, they're not somebody who would qualify mm-hmm to, to be in recovery, but they've noticed things about their life. It's like, I need a little bit more self care in this area. Right. And I know for me, self care is a goal in 28, 22. Like that's something that I want to take on. Right? Like, because you start to realize, I think the pandemic has had us refocus mm-hmm on, what's important in our lives. And I think what is interesting about meditation and mindfulness is the ROI might not seem right there first.

Damon Frank (16:53):
No, but it really is return investments. Massive. It's I found, I mean, and I'd love you to talk about this too real quick lane is that I found that I could only get so far mm-hmm in recovery without having to apply this because I would get, sometimes I'd go very, very far, but then I'd get two steps forward. And then I get three steps back mm-hmm one step forward went. Right. And I was always getting forward back, but the mindfulness and the meditation practice helped me not only live my best recovered life, but actually move forward in my

Lane Kennedy (17:27):
Life. Yeah. It definitely opens up another dimension of your life. It opens up a new pathway. It allows you to tap into that intuitive thinking. Right. So if you're facing a decision, whether that be, you know, at the grocery store of like, what am I gonna be cooking for dinner? Or am I gonna be hiring and firing new employees? Or how am I gonna manage my child's, you know, development in school. So these can be very complex issues. But when you have a practice and you're committed to that practice, you're tapping into a different awareness or consciousness, right. I always, it's a different dimension and you get so clear on how to answer those questions

Damon Frank (18:13):
Like that. Yeah. It's a times it's a time saver actually at the end. And this is so funny. And this goes back to the whole addiction thinking, we think, no, we know the way this, this, this can't work. This is a waste of my time by doing this. And that committee starts to talk. And it's been one of the only things that totally turns it. Not only neutralizes the committee for me, it kind of erases them to a, to a, the they're gone and something else takes place. Something else comes in mm-hmm that you say you're tapping into something bigger. Can you talk about that real quick? Like that, what's that feeling like when you feel that you're gonna TA how do you explain that to somebody?

Lane Kennedy (18:56):
So I call it the ocean of yum and it's this very, um, soft, beautiful place where answers appear. And you don't get there when you're in your daily, you can get there in a state of flow. Like sometimes people talk about that state of flow where you're, you're just working and nothing else matters. Right? You've reached that state of flow. It it's electrifying to be able to drop into that place in the middle of the day, but you have to set yourself up to drop into it. Like if you don't have a practice, you're not gonna drop into it. And for those of us in recovery, it's really important to have that, uh, schedule or a little alert on your phone to say, it's time to practice because I wanna drop into the ocean of yum and find out the answers.

Damon Frank (19:55):
So if you want, so basically what you're saying is if I wanna drop in the ocean of yum, yeah, I'm gonna really need to get a routine. Right. And I think that's the key it's, it's, it's really, it's really getting into that routine and that flow where you can start those responses and, and that result over and over again, lane, thank you so much for coming on the recovered life show today, guys, if you wanna hear more about lane and what she does, we're gonna put a link definitely in this episode. So you can learn all about her and, uh, how to work with her. If you want to get your meditation routine, any last thoughts lane about, uh, 20, 22 and meditation and mindfulness

Lane Kennedy (20:36):
Have an incredible year and set up your practice start now don't wait till June

Damon Frank (20:43):
Lane. Thanks so much for coming on the show

Lane Kennedy (20:44):
Today. Thanks for having me Damon,

Announcer (20:47):
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